I refuse to allow fear to run the show.
I am validating my experiences, comforting my pain, empowering my mission, and taking one teeny tiny baby step at a time on a quest for healing journey insights.
Fear and discomfort are simply illusions, and I release attachment to them now.
We've noticed chronic loss of consciousness, but without the extensive fragmentation where full switches wipe ALL memory access, we are now feeling the terrifying awareness of these experiences.
Thankfully, this opens opportunities for renewed understanding and healing explorations on the topic, as we grow more gifted in our ability to articulate the specifics of these unconscious experiences.
We lose consciousness when bending over, which has been frustrating but manageable: I full-body squat when I need to get something from a low position; I avoid bending over whenever mindfully possible.
However, this terrifying experience began extending into situations while driving.
This has been occurring for the past 5 months, ever since uprooting the core trauma within our dissociative identity: immediately following the experience of gaining access to the remaining trauma pieces of the event from 22 years ago, we began losing consciousness in the car.
This experience is related with the core trauma response trapped in the body, which I am referring to as the unconscious traumatic fold response.
This also occurred during an MRI scan of my brain, and because the symptom continued for such an extensive period of time {I think over an hour?}, it led to a ministroke, or a transient ischemic attack (TIA), which was TERRIFYING and PAINFUL and took weeks to recovery from.
My healing journey focuses on transforming automated internal responses, rewiring the unconscious habits of my body-brain, one minuscule morsel at a time.
Fear does not get to run the show anymore!
It's time to face the fear, purging all fear-based emotions through confrontational Love so that I can approach this battle grounded fully in my energy.
I am Light; therefore, darkness has no chance against me.
Grounded in Light, I confront the darkness.
Challenge: What do I know?
I lose consciousness.
Droopy eyes or need to close eyes.
I lose access to my muscular system: it feels like my muscles completely collapse in on themselves.
Vibrations become physically and mentally overwhelming, easily consuming my whole system.
Loss of conscious awareness regarding my personal being and physical surroundings or orientation.
Described as body feining death while mind remains powerlessly observing.
Forward motion aggravates my system and turns make it worse.
It feels very scary on the deepest level imaginable and that releasing that fear is important for staying conscious.
I must prioritize internal presence because I am no longer externally lucid.
My oxygen levels and heart rate both tend to drop {shown in this next video}.
I experience difficulty {laboured} breathing {shown in next video}.
"Won't be a mystery when I'm through with it!"
Validation: What do I feel about it?
A part of me feels powerless.
A part of me feels hopeless.
A part of me feels alone in this.
A part of me feels angry about this!
A part of me feels so, so scared by this.
A part of me feels intimidated by this.
A part of me feels helpless towards this.
Empowerment: What new healing journey approaches can I try, while continuing to implement the ones we already have?
Weighted blanket {new}
Sitting backwards {new} ~ BETTER YET!, Lay down backwards!!! Legs elevated, facing away from the front of the vehicle!
Noise-cancelling headphones with Coping Music Playlists {old} ~ try "Healing Ocean" {new}
Tactile stimulation with squishy balls and other stimming toys {old}
Narrating my experience, grounded in self-energy, to/for myselves, which can increase oxygen levels and regulate heart rate {new}
Clarity: What did I learn about this today?
I learned that this is a real and valid medical condition: syncope means "the loss of consciousness due to lack of blood flow to the brain," which is exactly what happens in a traumatic-fold state of consciousness.
"Vasovagal syncope {pronounced VAY-zo-VAY-gullSINK-o-pee} is fainting caused by a complex nerve and blood vessel reaction in the body. Unlike other causes of fainting, it’s not a sign of a problem with the heart or brain." {www.fairview.org}
Personal Power: How can I respond towards myself when experiencing this?
Validate the experience: This is a REAL and VALID medical condition called Vasovagal Syncope; this experience is from your body's nerves, not your mind's movements.
Comfort the experience: I'm so sorry this is happening! I am so sorry you are feeling scared through this discomfort. You are not defined by your body. You are not limited by this experience. This will not last forever, and you will not lose any part of you through this experience. YOU. ARE. NOT. DEFINED. BY. THIS. MOMENT. It's OK that this is happening; this experience is allowed, even though it can feel scary.
Redirect focus of experience: I'm so proud of you for being brave! You don't need to change how you feel right now; just breathe through it as best as you can, and know that this too shall pass, and that this does not define you. How can you be kind to yourself right now? How can you redirect what little conscious energy you have towards comforting parts? How can you unconditionally lean in to this moment? That's where your power is. I believe in you!
Today is Wednesday, July 31, 2019.
We will begin the car tomorrow morning, August 1, 2019, and again on the morning of Friday, August 2, 2019.
I choose to embrace these moments as unfolding OPPORTUNITIES, to learn and heal and grow regardless of how I feel.
I first began noticing this event last year as I began to have more co-consciousness with dissociative parts, and therefore more experiential lucidity. One step at a time, my parts of consciousness and I will figure out what's happening within our being, and we WILL conquer the darkness with our love!
~~~ Support The Kristin Chronicles' Healing Journey, their DID Mind-Body Connection Case Study, and the creation of the Dissociative Identity Movement at Patreon.com/KristinChronicles ~~~
How vasovagal syncope happens
Many nerves connect with your heart and blood vessels. These nerves help control the speed and force of your heartbeat. They also regulate blood pressure. They control whether your blood vessels should be more open or more closed.
Usually these nerves work together so you always get enough blood to your brain. In certain cases, these nerves may give a wrong signal. This may cause your blood vessels to open wide. At the same time, your heartbeat slows down. Blood can start to pool in your legs, and not enough of it may reach the brain. If that happens, you may briefly lose consciousness. When you lie down or fall down, blood flow to the brain resumes.
Fainting is the main symptom of vasovagal syncope. You may have symptoms before fainting such as:
Nausea
Warm, flushed feeling
Face that turns pale
Sweaty palms
Feeling dizzy
Blurred vision
If you lie down at the first sign of these symptoms, you will often be able to prevent fainting. Not everyone notices symptoms before fainting, however.
When a person does faint, lying down restores blood flow to the brain. Consciousness should return fairly quickly. You might not feel normal for a little while after you faint. You might feel depressed or fatigued for a short time. You may even feel nauseous afterwards and vomit.
{www.fairview.org} ~ https://www.fairview.org/patient-education/90476