What Am I Recovering From?

About Kristin’s Medical Conditions:

Diagnoses, Symptoms, & a few (not all) Traumas

Diagnoses:

• Primary:

• Dissociative identity disorder (DID) — a dissociative disorder that also classifies as a neurodevelopmental disorder

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) — an anxiety disorder

• Secondary:

• Borderline personality disorder (BPD) — a personality disorder

• individual diagnoses of various parts of consciousness, including bipolar disorder

On a daily basis, my DID & PTSD affect:

• dyscognition (new medical term researchers are using to describe symptoms related to difficulty concentrating, disorganized thinking, memory problems, and inability to stay focused or alert)

• cognition Processes (i.e. cognitive dissonance)

• executive Dysfunction (see description below under “various symptoms”)

• vision

• sensory Perception

• short & Long Term Memory

• speech (i.e. selective mutism)

• concentration (i.e. racing thoughts, hearing voices)

• physical Pain (tension & anxiety tensing muscles, causing knots, pain, & worse)

Various symptoms include:

• age regression

• anhedonia (the inability to experience pleasure due to neuro-activity or lackthereof)

• anxiety-induced chest pains

• anxiety-induced nausea

• anxiety/panic attacks

• depression

• dissociative amnesia

• dissociative identity

• dissociative memory

• dissociative (non-epileptic) seizure

• executive dysfunction

• flashbacks (a common symptom of PTSD // one of the PTSD diagnostic criteria)

• hyperarousal (anxious, on edge, jumpy, easily startled)

• impulsivity

• insomnia(associated with trauma & both DID & PTSD)

• intrusive thoughts (associated with trauma & PTSD)

• night terrors & sleep disturbances

• psychosis (i.e. auditory hallucination, visual hallucinations, terrifying delusions, amplified sensitivity to stimuli, severe cognitive chaos)

• re-experiencing trauma (one of the PTSD diagnostic criteria)

• selective mutism (associated with dissociative identity disorder)

• self-harm urges (caused by complex traumas)

• suicidal ideations (desires of death; fantasies of dying; something observed, not chosen)

• tremors (i.e. hand tremors, full-body tremors)

• uncontrollable negative self-talk

I am currently recovering from, both mentally & physically:

1. severe hip displacement (both sides fully twisted) of 10 years (2008-2018)

2. repeated ankle injuries, especially right ankle (~2005-2015, sprains & twists)

3. eleven years of chronic self-harm (2007-2018)

4. a variety of on & off substance abuse (used to cope with the voices, depression, anxiety, insomnia, dissociation, & variety of PTSD symptoms)

5. sexual assault April 2011

6. sexual assault May 2015

7. apartment fire January 2016

8. abuse & neglect from mental health “professionals” (2015-2017)

9. countless indescribably deep friendship wounds

10. malnutrition from homelessness & being disabled

• weigh 15 pounds less now than healthy weight in 2013 (last time I was stable)

• weigh 35 pounds less than high school

• weigh similar to childhood (before teenage years)

1. displaced knees, etc. from improper pole dancing (2015-2017) & hip displacement (2008)

2. 1 full year of head trauma (2017-2018)

3. accepting diagnosis of DID, dissociative identity disorder (& the reality of having suppressed childhood trauma of some kind)

4. physical assault August 2017 (causing both mental & physical trauma that I am still working through, including broken wrist & elbow)

5. physical assault February 2018 (that also caused both mental & physical trauma that I am still working through, including feet pain)

Recovery goals:

• I am recovering from 15 years of emotional pain & mental distress, as well as four assaults during my adult years.

• I am learning about dissociation (which I thought to be psychosis these past many years, & demonic activity ten years ago), dissociative disorders, the many effects of trauma, physiological changes due to PTSD, internal operations of consciousness, & about my own alternate states of consciousness that I have lived with my whole life yet only known about specifically for less than one year.

• I am learning to manage a complex disorder for which there is no cure, no effective treatment available, no medications for, & very little known about in the scientific/ medical field.

• I am learning to manage multiple severe, disabling mental disorders without the use of traditional treatment or psychiatric medications. Not long ago I was taking 36 pills every day & was more disabled than I am now; I know I’m on the right track!