Someday, Life Will Improve.

SOMEDAY, I will be able to afford the things I want, including a new laptop & camera. Someday, I will return to school to complete my BA degree & go on to become a thriving high school English teacher. Someday, I will be published & so proud of myself for sticking to my writing. Someday, I will awaken each money thankful to be alive without having to worry about how mental illness may affect me that day. Someday...

But for now, every day is a struggle. Every day is a battle of its own as I fight the depression & anxiety & psychosis & trauma that has lingered for the past nine years. For now, I drive past local colleges with an ache in my chest, wondering if I'll ever actually achieve my dreams, deeply longing for the structure of classrooms & the social setting of higher education. For now, I go to the library to use a computer, & half the time it randomly shuts down on me & loses my work. For now, I use the camera on my iPhone & imagine the photographs in better quality. For now, I lay awake dreaming of better days. For now, I am just surviving...

But this too shall pass. The only constant in this life is change. I've reached so many levels of rock bottom in the past two years, I have to reassure myself that it can only get better. I can only go up from here.